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REAL answers in GCSE exams.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Use the word “judicious” in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised?
A: The body consists into three parts; the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: It’s when you are sick at the airport.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean section.
A: The Caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What does “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on stairs.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
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Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: That’s when the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sikh wears on his head.
Q: You arrive at a bus stop at five to three and the bus comes at 3.20. How long have you been waiting?
A: Ages.
Q: Describe a physical skill and how it can be made more difficult.
A: A handstand using only one hand or no hands.
****THE SUN

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